Home

I'm going home this weekend for my birthday and I cannot wait. I love being with everyone in my family and all of my friends. There's a song by OAR called "I Feel Home" that I learned to play on the uitar and everytime I play/listen to it I almost get choked up because it reminds me so much of that feeling of being home. Where everything is just so comfortable. Everyone is friendly with everyone and even if there is a fight or misunderstanding things can get resolved so quickly and easily because eveyrone has known everyone else for so long that they know no matter what the fight is over its not worth losing a friend. I love the feeling of just hangin out in someones back yard drinkin and listening to music with a couple friends just relaxing. I feel like that is something much harder to do up at college/with people that you are not so familar with. I feel that at college there are very few people with whom I feel close enough to, to have a genuinely good time just sitting around BS-ing. At home no one gets bored with each other, we could do the same thing every single night and no one would complain once, and even if someone did complain they know inside that there's no place they'd rather go. My friends at home are like my second family, they would take care of me no matter what my problem is no matter what I needed they'd do it at the drop of a hat. Its a mutual understanding, a mutual trust, a mutual love that everyone of my friends shares.
I also can't wait to see my family. My little brother is getting so old. I feel like he's still in like 5th grade tearin it up in CYO basketball with his goofy braces and glasses, but he's not anymore. He's 14 going on 15 this year and he starting to really fill out. He's already about as tall as me and is starting to do the things that I was doing when I was a freshman. I get so scared for him that I'm not going to be able to protect him while I'm up at college. I'm sure he'll be fine throughout high school but I still get that feeling like what happens if someone bullies him and I'm not there? I know he'll be fine he's just as strong of a person as I was but I still worry because he is my baby brother and ever since he was little no matter how many fights we got in everytime I saw him feel any sort of pain it ripped me apart that I oculdn't do anything to help him.
It should be a really fun trip home. All my friends are going to come home so that we can all see each other and catch up. I'll be able to see all of them and then finally get to see my little Mikie and Maggie (my nephew and niece). They are so cute, Mikie is getting bigger and smarter everyday and I love the 5 second jibberish conversations I have with him on the phone that end with something resembling "I love you" and a kiss on the mouthpiece. I can't wait to hold little Maggie she must be getting bigger now, too. She is more gorgeous everytime I see her I don't know why my sister is so spoiled to have two such perfect children. I also get to see my Rusty dog. He's the most loving dog ever its amazing. As soon as I come hom he goes wild and whenever I sit/lay on my bed he always jumps up and lays with me. He makes me feel home just as much as anyone. And of course I get to see my mom and dad. I feel like they worry aout me as much as I worry about my little brother while I'm away. I have been feeling very overwhelmed and lonely lately and seeing them will give me a lot of confidence I believe. Only 4 more nights of sleeping in my dorm room then I get to go home it should be great. No, it will be great.

Song

I forget who it was, but someone once said that great writing is the best words in the best order. I think that's true. There should be some order to the way we speak since there is an order in which we live our lives. Some seem to follow a routine more dilligently than others but human nature simply follows an order. We are born, raised as infants, mess up as teenagers, become adults, maybe have children, get old and eventually we inevitably pass. Some people have their humanly routine abruptly cut short, by choice or chance, but still have to follow that certain order. To me I don't believe that the everyday order in which we live our lives however is what is important. I believe its how was live our lives, who we live our lives with that makes it special. I don't like to follow any real order. I mean, I'm on time to my classes and work (most times) and I brush my teeth when I wake up, but other than that I kind of just let things happen. I'm a terrible planning aheader and in a way like that about my personality. I like being about to wake up everyday relaxed and focused on the things that are important. When I wake up the first images I see by my bed are pictures of my niece and nephew, my grandfather, an angel pin my mother got me, my girlfriend, and my guitar. Those things remind me every single morning how lucky I am and remind me that no matter what kind of things life throws at me today everything's going to be alright. I think thats why I like writing without any sort of structure or with too many guidelines. I also think that's why I like songs. A good song can be soft, slow, with one instrument and a flowing voice, or hard, violents, loud with tons of instruments and a bunch of people just screaming. It all depends on what you put into it. I feel liek if you write a song for the right reasons then it doesn't matter what it sounds like as long as you feel like it truly conveys your feelings. Lately I've been working on some songs, they're not any good at all yet but I really would like to make a good one for my parents or maybe my girlfriend. Without music I feel like I would never have gotten to be so optomistic and I believe that songs are what keep my life so upbeat. I sort've rambled on for a while but my teacher said that's good sometimes because then you kind of carve off the top layers of what's on your mind and get down to something that you don't even realize you're thinking about. I feel like I just took a shower and washed away all the sweat and dirt from the day and have a new refreshed outlook on the day. This is awesome.

Overwhelmed

Right now I feel very overwhelmed. I've never really felt like this before about school. Everything has always been so easy. As long as I knew what I had to do I always knew that I would have no roblem doing it on my own time, even if that meant at the last minute, I never worried one bit. I feel different right now though. It's really very strange. I have a tightness in my chest as if I was running in the Rocky Mountains. My legs feel like I just played an entire soccer game in 95* weather. A cold sweat sweeps across my brow with every new assignment and email that seem to just continuously pile up. For the first time I feel like I should really ask for help. I just need to calm down I think. Take it one step at a time. That should really help. Take deep breaths when I'm feeling that tightness and maybe take a break when my legs feel like they're giving out. Optomism is the only way to beat this feeling I believe. I can do it, I know I can. I've done it before and I will always overcome this feeling.

First Blog

It is February 8th, 2007 at 2:50pm. I'm at work and I just set up my blog. I can't wait to go home today. I wrote an extended metaphor about going home because that's all I've been thinking about. I miss my niece and nephew so much they are the best. I feel like I haven't seen either of them in forever they must've gotten bigger. I wrote a song for Maggie my niece. Well, I kinda just wrote another verse of a song i already play for her on my guitar. It goes:
Your eyes are like the harvest moon
Please don't grow up before too soon
Always laugh out loud and smile wide
And fill your soul up
Butterfly
Smile bright
I like it cause as I was playing the actual song for her I kinda just adlibbed and thats what came out. Its not too good but its from the heart so I think that's what matters most. I really like the line always laugh out loud and smile wide. I think that kinda sums up childhood. When you're really young and think somethings funny, you're never too embaressed to laugh out loud and at and smile from ear to ear about something silly. I feel like too many people the older they get the less they smile at things that a child would, and laugh out loud about things that are nonsensical just for the sake of laughing. I feel like laughing and smiling are good for the soul and keep you young. I feel like the more you laugh and smile while you're young the harder it is to forget how to when you're older. I think thats why I never feel the need to hide my laughter and smiles, my parents always told me to smile no matter what. I think bitter people take offense to it when people like me are smiling for no reason sometimes. I don't know. I just hope little Maggie never grows up to be a person engulfed by the bitterness that the world will inevitably show her at times. I think she'll be alright, she has great parents and a wonderful older brother. Little Mikie, is 18 months now and he's eveyrone's favorite person to hang out with. I know I don't have to worry about him. He's such an innocent kid. He's the best I don't really know where to start describing him so maybe I'll save that for another creative writing. That would be fun, to just write an entire thing describing Mikie, I could probably go on for days. Anyway My shift is over at work and I think I've said about all I can about a 1 month old baby girl.